After I finished
college at 22, I had no job lined up because my plan had fallen through, so I
moved home while I was job hunting.
A few months
before I turned 23, I moved to South Korea to teach English while working on an
MA in English online.
I fell in love
with teaching, but the stress of work, school, and living in a foreign country
was taking a toll.
To devote more
time to my school work and sincerely developing my thesis to complete my
program, I moved home again at 24.
The plan was to
finish my MA in about 3 months, and get a job before 2016 ended.
Despite numerous
applications and interviews, nothing was coming through. So I decided to apply
to return to Korea.
I knew that doing
so was signing on to remain at home for a full year again, but I didn’t see
another option.
Luckily, I got
the job and I leave again exactly one week from today, but I’ve spent the last
year living back at home as an adult after a year of living entirely
independently in a studio apartment in South Korea.
I learned a lot
about life and me while fending for myself in Korea, and moving back home was
jarring to say the least.
Here’s a look at
what I learned about dealing with that jarring transition of being home with
family again.
1.
Embrace the fact
that your parents still expect you to have all your childhood habits.
I never used to
wake up before 9am. My mom would comment when I got up before 9.
I was not a fan
of working out, so any time I did it was worthy of commentary.
Habits that I
developed while away were long familiar to me, but strange and unexpected to my
family (no matter how much we had spoken
about those changes over the year I was away). I was a bit shocked and annoyed
that everything I did was becoming a topic of conversation.
For some time, I
felt like this was a pressure to return to those old habits I had moved past,
and for some time did just that.
But I realized
that, just as I was transitioning from alone to home, my family was facing the
changed version of me they were suddenly confronted with.
My family
happened to face this change by commenting on everything I did.
Don’t expect
everything to go smoothly moving home, but know that both you and your family
will become used to each other again.
The commentary
WILL stop (or at least it will not be about all those childhood habits you’ve
long since dropped).
2.
In a similar
tone, your family may expect the same level of responsibility from you as
before you left.
So for me, chores were expected like dishes and trash, but
financial contributions weren’t expected.
I took that as a
bit of a challenge to try to contribute more to the house than I had before.
I wasn’t expected to do such things, but I had
done it for myself for so long it wasn’t a hardship.
Admittedly, the
food I cooked for myself wasn’t my family’s preference, so I don’t cook much.
Don’t let low
expectations stop you from doing what you can at all times.
I had money saved
up, so I paid for what I could.
I also took on
more chores like looking after the pets, doing the dishes more often and so on.
I will say that
being at home makes it harder for me to do these things because I just hate
chores, but I made myself do it anyway.
3.
Finally, feel
free to disagree with your parents about… everything.
Before you got
out and lived life on your own, your main source of exposure to many opinions
came from home.
But after being
away from family, either at college or by living in your own apartment far
away, you have different life experiences.
Don’t discount
that experience!
You lived it, you
feel it, use it to talk with your family!
You are not going
to agree on everything. You may have strong opinions that stand against what
your parents do.
Tell them!
Part of growing
up is learning to talk about things you find important with people who
disagree.
Practice with
your family.
They are supposed
to love you unconditionally, right? Hopefully they will support your
differences.
(Just remember to
be respectful. You can disagree without screaming arguments. Those don’t
convince anyone to see your side of the issue.)
There are the 3
lessons I learned from moving home as an adult.
What are your
experiences?
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